My Former Roommate and his dog Opie

Monday, January 18, 2010

So I had just moved into my first apartment and although it was only a one bedroom, I wanted a roommate because I was extremely cheap. My buddy RK was moving in with his girlfriend and told me his roommate was looking for a place. I knew this guy a little bit. I knew he worked as a life guard and had a golden retriever named Opie. From what I knew he was a nice guy so I called him and asked him if he wanted to move in. Although my apartment building didn't allow pets I figured it would be ok because there was no manager on site, only ten units, I was in the back corner, and I never saw my neighbors. He agreed to move in and share the bedroom.

The first week he was living with me I noticed he had a few peculiar habits. One of them was being naked whenever he was home. He would walk in the door from life guarding and toss of his swim trunks and sit down. He also liked to play with his enormous cock while watching TV or when people were over. I don't mean he would masturbate, just rub and slap it around. I suppose if my dick was as big as his was I might be a little more open about playing with it in public too. He loved to watch The Golden Girls while rubbing his cock. It was a little unsettling to say the least.

Just because he didn't masturbate while sitting on the couch with company over doesn't mean that he didn't do it before he went to sleep while laying in bed. Obviously he didn't care that we shared the bedroom. We would be talking then there would be an extended silence followed by the sound of rapid stroking. I would assume he was jerking and I would just go to sleep.

After a party, in which he got more drunk than usual, he went into the bathroom and got in the tub with another guy friend of ours. He was naked while DB had his boxers on. They were crying and hugging so we just shut the door and let them be.

The next morning I went into the bathroom and they were passed out, still in the tub covered in vomit and spooning. Don't get me wrong, that sounds hot and all, but even I was a little sick to my stomach.

With all evidence to the contrary, I know he wasn't gay. He was just open and not ashamed about his body. He had sex with plenty of ladies, some while I was quietly jerking off trying to sleep in the same room. I always felt bad for those sluts because of the enormity of his pecker. I mean they could have had me for half the pain and half the time.

His openness didn't end with his own body either. I would come home and he would be jerking his dog Opie off. He would say, "Opie needs to get off too." Let me repeat myself. I would come home and he would have his dog sitting on his lap while he was jerking it off. He really loved that dog.

After drunkenly running down the street naked because he thought his friend was dead, (he didn't answer the phone when he called) I thought it was time for a new roommate. After all, he was leaving for the Navy in a few months anyway and I couldn't take anymore of him stroking himself or Opie on my couch so I kicked him out.

Here is a brief list of things I came home to find him doing:

Making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with his dick
Bench pressing naked with a full erection
Eating a bowl of ice cream naked. Not too weird for him, but I had my mom with me.
Sitting on the coffee table shaving his balls
Reading Cat Fancy
Trying to pull his cock out of a jar of ketchup
Peeing in the sink
Vacuuming naked
Using a rolled up Hustler to stroke his cock

The things I'd put up with to save $150 on rent.


sarah san said...

hey, least your days will be interesting, right?

sleep with your bedroom door locked.
he seems fishy.

Stylez said...

I might have locked the door but we shared a 1 bedroom. I would have been locked in with him.

Darrin.. said...

Dude.. write a friggin book!! You can't make this kinda stuff up! LOL!

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clo said...

HA HA that's so weird it's awesome.
Who does that stuff???

Anonymous said...

i miss his nakedpush ups in the middle of ur livingroom...20-40 guests, girls, booze, punk music, free pizza....he is a great friend...just like urself....kcm

Amanda West said...

Omg. Sounds worse than all three of my brothers combined.

Ba huhuhu.

Jibba Jabba said...

He sounds absolutely ridiculous! i have to sympathise with him a little bit though - when you need a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - you need a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Maybe you didnt have any clean cutlery? Awesome blog.

The Batcave said...

that is so crazy! I have a friend who I think would like this...

jules said...

I don't even know what to say. Girls don't stroke themselves in front of each other roommate style ever. Wow. Boys are weird!

Anonymous said...

Ooh! Cat Fancy? I'm a cat fucker myself.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Oh no no no! Peeing in the sink? My dad did that shit, it's nasty. Not worth $150. Why did he read Cat Fancy and not Dog Fancy? Weird.

Mala said...

He read Cat Fancy? Total deal breaker. What a freak.

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