Poop Finger

Saturday, February 6, 2010

So it was Super Bowl Sunday and I was pretty sick of all the pregame coverage.  I suggested to my then girlfriend that we should fuck. "But your mom is home and I'm in a screaming kind of mood", she says. The island it is.

The island is a place in my town that was like Spanish Fly for chicks. The water, the view, I'm not exactly sure what it was, but it always worked. 

Anyway, we got out our blanket and headed down to this secluded little area to take care of business. A few minutes in and I realized she wasn't kidding about screaming. She was howling so loud I figured the people on the walking path might hear her and come running assuming she was being raped or killed or both.  With how turned on she clearly was I figured anal was a definite possibility.

While still in doggy style, I stuck a finger up her asshole to gauge the reaction and assess the prospects of some good ole butt fucking. She moaned in delight. It was go time. I pulled my finger out of her puckered starfish and looked in horror at what was covering my now chocolate digit. SHIT! Not just a little streak mind you, it was a full on turd, like she had been saving this sucker up for a few days or something.

As I was kneeling behind this still unaware, naked chick contemplating whether an erection after I vomited was still a possibility, she turned and popped the coco finger in her mouth. She was using a serious amount of tongue trying to be sexy, somehow not realizing she was tasting a heaping helping of her own crap.

Shocked, I slowly retreated. I sheepishly said, "Uh, I don't feel so good. Can we go home?" Surprised, she smiled and said, "Sure" As she smiled I could see the brown on her tongue and lost it. I puked all over our little picnic/sex blanket.

She helped me to my feet and drove me home. Thankfully because I had puked she didn't expect a kiss before she left.

I could never really look at her the same again. Even though she had no idea what was on her finger(as far as I know), I knew. The taint was there.

The sex was much more eventful than the Super Bowl as the Cowpies killed the Bills.


Kate said...

Oh my God, that is gross. She sucked on your poo covered finger? What did she think was on it? Chocolate spread. Ugh. I'm not surprised you vomited. Minging.

Kate x

You Make My Date said...

Oh, that's awesome. I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

I heard a story a long time ago about a guy who got anal from his girlfriend, went to the bathroom and turned the light on, and found something green and stringy stuck to his member.

Hope I returned the vomit favour! :P


Stylez said...

Well done.

The Batcave said...

you might be insane. but thats ok.

clo said...

That's gross...how did she not know???
Don't blame you for the puking...ick.

Kate said...

Oh...oh god. I'm speechless and just a little nauseous.

MJenks said...

I am thanking any deity out there that is listening that you somehow happened upon my blog and I back-channeled my way to here.

*applauds with a slow clap*

Bravo. Bravo indeed.

Karls said...

Woah man! I think that might have been me....

I kidd! I kidd!

Susie Q said...

Hmmm, yes. I can see it now. My BREAKFAST that is!

I'm starting to regret the decision to "blog a little before I got to beddy-byes". You have successfully destroyed my kind, child-like mind. I hope you're happy.


Stylez said...

Very happy

DJ Buttaskotch said...

When I finished reading the first paragraph, I did not immediately move on to the second one, and so was unsure as to what I should make out of the phrase "The island it is". I came upon the conclusion that it must be some sort of idiom I had not heard of before, equivalent to the "I'm in a pickle" one. But then I read the next paragraph, proving my theory incorrect.

Amanda West said...


Anonymous said...

Both disgusting and hilarious

Anonymous said...

OG said the appropriate words. And a fucking enema and a case of Listerine wouldn't help. Man, if that were me, instant limp dick and a pail full of puke. Please Stylez, take care.


Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as a good old butt fucking in LJ's world. I once got the accidental anal (we'll debate how accidental it was at another time) and I screamed and passed out. Because I'm a pussy. I woke up, naked, cold, and wet in the bathroom with my husband smacking me in the face. Beautiful.

No. Shan't. said...

Wow. And I thought Tucker Max's story of how a chick shat all over his dick after anal was bad.

Yummy :/

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