The Ostrich Farmer

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So my buddy CR's girlfriend had a friend visiting from Oklahoma. I had yet to see her, but like any horny teenager I asked him to hook me up. He said, "Dude, she is pretty nasty." I thought to myself that she was only in town for a few days so none of my other friends would ever see her and most importantly, I wasn't picky. I told CR, "How bad can she be?" He said he would talk to her.

His girlfriend arranged a little get together with some friends so I could meet her without it being a date. I walked into her house and was introduced. A quick glance and I realized CR was being kind when he described her as nasty. She was about six foot and weighed around one ninety. She wasn't fat, just solid. She looked like she could play linebacker for the Steelers. She had a weird bowl cut hair style with the bottom half shaved and the top half a crazy looking afro. Her death grip hand shake was a bit unsettling as well. After introducing herself I noticed she had a big plug of chewing tobacco in her mouth. She proceeded to tell me that she lived and worked on an ostrich farm and had a fiancee, but was looking for one last fling before her wedding. I said, "Good luck with that" and walked away. I wasn't picky, but even this thing was more than I could handle. I pretty much avoided her the rest of the night and figured I would never see her again. I was wrong.

The next day CR called me and asked what I thought of the ostrich farmer. I told him I wouldn't fuck her with his dick. He said that was too bad because apparently in our very brief interaction I made an impression on her. He told me she had said how bad she wanted to fuck me that night. I was pretty disgusted yet strangely flattered. I told my penis to not even think about it but as usual, it had other ideas. I told CR no thanks and figured that was the end of that. Again, I was wrong.

So a few days later I was having a party at my house when the phone rang. I answered and the deep voice said, "This is your Oklahoma dream girl, what are you up to?" A bit disturbed at how deep her voice was I said, "Just sitting at home getting ready to go to sleep." She answered with, "Well how about I come over and fuck your brains out?" Now before I reveal what I said let me say that I was really horny and stood no chance of scoring with any of the options at my party. So as you might have guessed I said, "I guess so." Not wanting anyone to see the depths I was willing to go to get laid I said, "When you get here park on the side of the house and walk around to the back yard." She agreed and said she would be over soon.

I slipped out the back door unnoticed and met her in the back yard. My bedroom was detached from the rest of my house so getting in and out from there wouldn't be a problem.

We headed into my room and I locked the door. She grabbed me like like a rag doll and threw me on the bed. She said, "Get ready for the best sex of your life." I was already regretting the decision my penis had made but I thought it might be safer to just get it over with. She pulled off her clothes and reached into her purse and grabbed a big wad of chewing tobacco and shoved it in her mouth. She said, "Nothing goes with a good fuck like a big chew." I was disgusted and was only able to get hard out of fear. She hopped on my dick and started to ride up and down. With every thrust she would say, in a very thick country accent, "Do you like it fast, or do you like it slow?" She was trying to look and sound sexy, but that is a hard feet to accomplish while spitting tobacco juice in a cup while having sex. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on getting off. It was hard with her voice repeatedly asking if I like it slow or fast. I couldn't take her voice anymore, so I reached up and stuck three of my fingers in her mouth to hold her jaw shut and keep her from speaking. Thinking I was being sexy or something, she just sucked on my fingers. I could feel the wad of tobacco in her mouth and felt like puking. After a few gags, I concentrated really hard and finally was able to bust a nut. I pushed her off me and quickly got up and put on my pants. She asked if I wanted to go again and I said, "Fuck no." "That was the sickest thing I've ever done." I said. She was not pleased. She shouted back, "Well you have a small dick and are a shitty lay!" Not wanting anyone to hear what was going on, I told her to leave and walked back into the house. Luckily nobody had noticed I was gone.

BM walked up to me and started talking when he stopped in mid sentence and said, "What the fuck is that smell?" With all that had gone on I hadn't noticed the terrible smell she had left on me. Now I have smelled some stinky pussy in my life, but this one takes the cake. Not only did I smell for two fucking days, but my room smelled for over a week. In hindsight I probably should have washed the sheets afterward.


Big John said...

Doing a chic with chew in her mouth? That is some nasty shit man. Funny as hell though.

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