My Butt Period, Menstration not Punctuation

So I was getting ready for an intense workout at the gym with a personal trainer when I thought I had better have a pre-lift dump. Like all my shits, this was a doozy. After twenty or so minutes of straining and pushing I knew what it was like to give birth started to wipe. Wanting to make sure I was really clean before my workout, I went to town with some baby wipes and Tucks on my poor asshole. I finished with an overly aggressive round of wiping, pulled up my white (I know you can see where this is going but trust me, stick with it) gym shorts and headed out the door.

I met the trainer and we got started. I was working up a good sweat but things below the mason dixon line just didn't feel "fresh". I made it through the hard parts of the workout and the trainer and I got out some yoga mats for stretching and some ab work. The trainer started by stretching out my hamstrings by having me lie on my back while he pushed my legs toward my head (Can you feel the homoeroticisim? I did.) He stopped pushing (Don't stop) and asked, "Is everything ok?". "A bit sore, but I'm fine" I replied, not wanting him to know I was fucking beat. Looking a cross between puzzled and sick he said, "I think we are done for the day." Tired as I was I wasn't going to complain.

As I walked out of the gym I noticed two girls eying me from the treadmills. "They must be noticing the effects of my workout" I thought to myself as I gave them a smile. I then noticed a few other people looking and a few now pointing. Starting to feel a little less confident I hurried out of the gym.

When I got home I went into the bathroom to take a shower. After pulling off my shorts I looked in horror at what I saw. My boxers and gym shorts were soaked with blood. Now I have had some blood after a round of aggressive wiping before, but never enough to soak my shorts. As I stared at the abortion that was my rectal bleeding I started to understand what all the looks at the gym and the abrupt ending to my personal training were for. Everyone could see my bloody asshole. Shit, they probably thought my trainer had really "tore me up". I could only imagine the two girls on the treadmills pointing out to each other my growing blood stain and then me confidently throwing back a smile. Fuck!

Now I have been embarrassed in my life, but the realization of what had just happened was a bit much for even me. I would need to start looking for a new gym and new trainer. I just feel kind of bad for the next schmuck who used the yoga mat I had been on. I hope they like hepatitis.